LIONS AND TIGERS AND TODDLERS OH MY!

Now that my youngest child is in the midst of "toddlerdom", I am remembering how difficult sometimes raising a toddler can be.  Toddlers cannot understand a logical argument, they have loud voices and aren't afraid to use them, and there is so much they want to do, but cannot do for themselves.  While raising toddlers may be challenging, there are things we can do to make the task a little easier.  Here are a some hints to consider.   They work for me, when I remember to do them.  (Sometimes I don't.)

The Bible tells us in Job that man is "born to trouble as sparks fly upward."   If I could sew or embroider, I would certainly put my sewing skill and this verse together in some unique way.  Maybe I would make a bib or something.   Understand your children are at war with you from their birth.  They want to be in charge.  The Bible tells us that they come into the world speaking lies (Psalm 58:3).  The fact that your toddler seems to want to defy you at every turn is normal and more importantly, it's not personal.  Your toddler has not decided that you are a bad mom.  You could do everything perfectly and your child will still act defiant and disobey.  While on the surface this may seem like bad news, it really isn't.  It's good news.  While you may fail to train your child, you have not failed simply because your child wants to be the boss.  When it comes to your toddler's motivations, you are off the hook.  It is however very important that you not give into your toddler's "I'm the boss worldview".   Throughout the life of your child, you slowly must change his "worldview" through obedience training while at the same time praying that the Lord changes his heart through the grace of Jesus Christ.

Next, toddlers thrive on consistency.  Consistency is so very very important when raising our young ones.  Nothing can throw a toddler off course faster and feed upon his desire to rule over you than the inconsistent enforcement of the rules, inconsistent reactions when he breaks the rules, or an inconsistent routine.

INCONSISTENT ENFORCEMENT:

Don't confuse your child unnecessarily by letting bad behavior slide sometimes and then come down hard on that same behavior other times.  Along the same lines, let your no mean no and your yes mean yes.  I think that is in the Bible somewhere.  If you always mean no when you say no your toddler will be less likely to plunge into a temper tantrum when he is denied something he wants.

INCONSISTENT REACTIONS:

Don't frustrate your child unnecessarily by not teaching him there will ALWAYS be consequences for disobedience.  Also, don't let your toddler off easy by thinking, "Well he is only one, he doesn't really understand what I mean" or "He can't be expected to come to me when I call him because he is so young."  Your child is smart.  He does understand "Come here!".   He does understand "NO."  Your toddler will benefit greatly from being taught to obey his parents and later other adults in authority, and the way he learns is by receiving consequences every time he disobeys.  He will also be a much happier little person if doesn't get his way all of the time.  A friend of mine has written that training at home will also teach a child to act better in public.  The first time your child hits you, screams at you, or acts in another overtly defiant way at home, don't let the behavior slide.  There will be more times he will act defiantly; don't let any defiant behavior slide, and eventually your toddler will figure out it is just not worth his time to disobey.

INCONSISTENT ROUTINES:

Toddlers benefit greatly from a solid routine.  I understand things come up and schedules need to change from time to time.  However, the majority of your toddler's early years should be filled with activities that are done again and again, at the same time and in the same manner.  Naptime, bedtime, meal times should be fairly consistent.  So many times toddlers are allowed to be awake when they should be asleep.  Tired toddlers are even more susceptible to bad behavior.  A good routine also gives your child some stability and frees him from fears about the safety of his environment.  I give my 2 year old one package of fruit snacks every day when she wakes up from her nap.  She is required to give one of her fruit snacks to her 7 year old brother.  We do this every day.  She learns to share by giving up one of her fruit snacks, and she has something to look forward to after her nap.  It's a win-win.  Try to establish simple rituals like this, to see if you can make unpleasant activities more agreeable to your toddler.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of "LIONS AND TIGERS AND TODDLERS OH MY!"

TOY TRIVIA

Bet you didn't know this:

LEGO originally got its name from founder Ole Kirk Christiansen by combining the Danish words "Leg Got" that means "play well" and later realized that the word LEGO in Latin translates to "I put together."

or this:

On July 5, 2009, Toys R Us opened a store in Kuwait.

or that:

The first Radio Flyer wagon was the "No. 4 Liberty Coaster", which was built from wood and steel in 1923.

Also....

In 2003, the National Toy Hall of Fame at the Strong Museum inducted ABC blocks into their collection, granting it the title of one of America's toys of "national significance."

Plus....

The Etch A Sketch toy was invented in France in the late 1950s by André Cassagnes, in his basement. He called it "L'Ecran Magique", the magic screen. In 1959, he took his drawing toy to the International Toy Fair in Nuremburg, Germany. The Ohio Art Company saw it but had no interest in the toy. When Ohio Art saw the toy a second time, they decided to take a chance on the product. The L'Ecran Magique was soon renamed the Etch A Sketch and became the most popular drawing toy in the business.

Additionally:


Frisbees originated at various New England colleges when students began throwing empty pie tins from the Frisbee Baking Company of Bridgeport, Connecticut.


And finally:


A husband and wife created the game of Yahtzee while on their yacht, thus the name "Yahtzee."

Oh wait, here's one more:

In 1989, Lonnie Johnson was trying to build a better refrigerator, based on a low-cost heat pump that circulated water instead of Freon. But when one of his custom-machined brass nozzles blasted a stream of water across his bathroom, Johnson—by day an engineer at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory—realized he had the makings of something way more fun. A shotgun-style air pump and a series of check valves allowed for sniperlike range and accuracy with little exertion. Selling the idea to toy companies, though, was more of an effort. After seven years of frustration, Johnson scrapped his difficult-to-manufacture

Plexiglas “pressure containment vessel” for an empty 2-liter soda bottle. It wasn’t slick, but it was easy to make. In 1990, the toy maker Larami brought the Power Drencher to store shelves; it sold roughly 2 million of them in the first year alone. Rebranded as the Super Soaker, the line has raked in sales of more than $200 million to date.

Click on this link to see a prototype of the Super Soaker:

http://www.wired.com/magazine/2010/08/ff_prototypes/

Does knowing a little something about the toys you are buying, make the "buying" process less painful?  I hope so.  Merry Christmas!

Showing Mercy

O give thanks unto the God of heaven: for his mercy endureth for ever.  Psalms 136:26

Thankfully, our heavenly Father certainly doesn't give us what we deserve.  We are shown mercy upon mercy.  We are amazed at the endless supply of grace and mercy given us by the Lord Jesus Christ.    The definition of grace is receiving favor that is undeserved.  Many times grace and kindness are used interchangeably, but really grace is showing or receiving kindness, when the kindness is not deserved.  I don't in any way deserve God's favor, salvation, and eternal home, and yet God saw fit to give me all of these things.  I do deserve punishment and eternal separation from God in hell, and yet God saw fit to spare me these things.  This is mercy.

Our children benefit from our grace and mercy.  What a sad and cumbersome life for the child that is never shown either.  For your benefit, here are some times in which I will show grace and/or mercy to my children.  You are welcome to provide examples of your own in the comments.

Sometimes children just do silly, dumb, or crazy things.  There are times when they just can't help themselves.  (Yes, I said it.)  They are careless and spill things.  They get excited and are very loud.  They see the bubble wrap or streamers or confetti and no adult around.  Unless you have given specific instructions, gather all the patience you can muster, take a deep breath, and you and your child clean up the mess, fix the broken lamp, etc. etc.  You cannot tolerate willful disobedience, but you can tolerate kids being kids.  I know there is a fine line between the two; pray for wisdom and use your best judgment as you decide if the line has been crossed.

I don't back my kids into a corner (figuratively speaking) so that they feel compelled to lie to me.  For example, if I see one of my kids take a cookie, or do something wrong I will not ask the him if he committed the offense.  I will not ask my 6 year old, "Did you hit her?"  Instead I say, "I saw you hit her."  If I already know the offense has been committed, there is no reason to give my child an opportunity to lie.  There will be times when I genuinely don't know whether or not my child has done something wrong and I will have to ask them to tell the truth and admit their offense.  At that time, a lie will be dealt with seriously.

When my kids have done something wrong, but tell me the truth about it, I show mercy.  They may not get off scott free, but I honor their truthfulness.  I will show mercy and emphasize how important it is to always tell the truth.

Finally, if my child is very contrite I will sometimes (not often) grant a free pass.  They know they deserve punishment and yet they will be shown mercy.  We all mess up, and I think it is important for our children to be shown mercy as they grow up.  What a great opportunity to minister to our children, as we speak about the gospel, and the mercy the Lord has shown to us.

Are there times when your child gets a "get out of jail" card?  Comment, I'd love to hear your examples!

Cast Out the Bondwoman and her Son

I would like to share with you a message my dad shared with our church a few weeks ago.  I am not quoting him word for word.  I took what I heard and then applied it to my own life, and will try to do it justice here.

"Nevertheless what saith the scripture? Cast out the bondwoman and her son: for the son of the slave woman shall not be heir with the son of the freewoman."  Galatians 4:30

In the fourth chapter of Galatians, Paul gives us a wonderful analogy of law and grace from the Old Testament.  When Abraham was in his late seventies, and his wife Sarah in her sixties, God promised made a promise to Abraham.  God promised Abraham a son.  This son would be a miracle because Sarah was beyond child bearing years.  God promises Abraham that through this son, his descendants would be more numerous than the stars of heaven (Gen. 26:4). 

How wonderful Abraham must have felt, knowing that we would not die childless, and that God would use his seed to birth a nation.  However, several years go by, and there is no son.  So, Sarah decides she is going to "help things along."  As a result, Abraham and Sara's handmaid Hagar give birth to Ishmael.  There was nothing miraculous about Ismael's birth.  Ishmael was born as a result of human effort, not as a result of God's promise.   God does deliver a son to Abraham and Sarah, several years later, much to their surprise.  Sarah names her son Isaac, which means laughter, because the first thing Sarah did when she found out she was going to bear a son was laugh.   Ishmael is loved by Abraham just as much as Isaac even though Ishmael was not the son of promise.  Ishmael is 13 (Genesis 17:25) years old when Isaac is born.  When it is time for Isaac to be weaned, Abraham and Sarah decide to give a feast.  It is during the preparation of the feast when we read in Genesis that Ishmael mocks Isaac.  Sarah, hearing Ishmael mock her son, tells Abraham, "Cast out the bondwoman and her son."  Sarah knows she cannot have Ishmael in the picture; she understands that Isaac is the true son of promise.  Now Abraham, who no doubt loves Ishmael just as much as Isaac, must send him and his mother away.  Ishmael can have nothing to do with Isaac.  What hard ache Abraham must have felt, to have to do this to his son. 

Paul uses this Old Testament account to illustrate to the believers in Galatia the difference between human effort and promise, between slavery and freedom, between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant, between law and grace.  Law and grace cannot be together, because the law will always condemn.  The child of "law" is self righteousness.  Self-righteousness is: God, you can have most of the glory, but I'll take just a little bit.  God is not going to share his glory, he gets it all.  Our default setting is to rely on ourselves in our Christian life, in our jobs as the nurturers of our children and in the education of our children.  However, when we "lay our head down on our pillows at night" to quote from my dad, we know that the Lord is working all things for our good.  We know that old system of works is not for the Christian.  The Lord has done it all, and now we get to enjoy the blessings of our dear Savior.  We get to participate in good works that the Lord has ordained for us to do (Eph. 2:10). 

I may sound like I am against law, or that I feel like I can just sit back and "wait" for God to raise my kids for me.  I don't mean this at all.  I work hard every day, being the kind of mother and Christian the Bible instructs me to be.  However, I do not live my Christian life with a performance mentality because I know my "righteousness" is in Christ.  Again, this does not make me lawless.  I am accountable for my actions, and I will reap what I sow.  If I choose to be a poor mother, my kids will be negatively affected.   The only reason I am not a poor mother, however, is because of the grace of God.  God has given me new birth, he has transferred me "from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of his dear Son" (Col. 1:13).  He has given me the Holy Spirit, a love for His word, and a desire to raise my children to know and love Him.  So, I take great comfort despite my failures as a mother.  I know that God is sovereign.  I know He will bring to pass all that he desires.  I know he is working in me to "will and to do of his good pleasure" (Phil. 2:13).   And I know that my own worry about the job I'm doing as a wife and mother is self righteousness.  It is Ishmael peaking his head around the corner, mocking the freedom and grace I have in the Lord Jesus Christ.

 I would like to think this might encouraging you, as you are raising your children, some of you homeschooling them, as I do.  Your kids aren't going to always behave the way you want them to.  You are not always going to behave as you want to.  You don't always say the right words to your children, I certainly don't say what I should say to mine.  You will not always have the correct attitudes towards your children, I don't towards mine.  However, I have found after years of exposure to my dad's teaching, that the more I hear about the grace of God, the more I want to do the will of God.  Understand grace.  Know who you are as a Christian.  Know that the old system of law, of performance is over.  There is a new covenant and it is 100 times better than the old.  It is the only way to be a child of God.  Know that your efforts are not what saved you, and are they are not what keep you.   It is the faithfulness of God that keeps you, it is the grace of God that sustains us all.

OBEDIENCE: THE ONLY LOGICAL CHOICE

We all want our kids to obey.  We want it to be easy for them to obey.  Sometimes we can say certain things or do certain things to make obedience difficult for our children.  Make your home, your words, your actions, everything send a message to your children that the easiest and most advantageous action is obedience.  Make disobedience such a nasty affair, that your children give up on it.  I know that sometimes there is willful disobedience in our children.  The willful disobedience comes when your child has flat decided he is not going to obey.  You can do everything right and still elicit willful disobedience from your children.  You have to deal with that, it comes with the territory.  However, sometimes our children disobey because we haven't made it easy for them to obey.  Unwittingly, we can make obedience an uphill battle, instead of the choice that makes the most sense.  When I'm searching out information about a given topic, I like to find the information in a list format.  For example, "Ten Easy Steps to avoid eating Chocolate Pie" or "Five Things to say instead of ( you can fill in the blank ....)."   So here are two lists to make obedience easy for your kids.

DO THESE FIVE THINGS:

1. Expect obedience.  Simple, but if you can get this one down, follow the rest of my advice or not, chances are your kids will obey you.

2.  Be consistent!  The rules are the same and consequences always follow act of disobedience.

3. Watch what you say and how you say it.  Be clear in your instructions, so your children have no excuse to disobey.

4. Establish good habits in your children.


5. Praise your children when they obey.  A few carefully chosen words of commendation can go a long way when raising kids to respect you, and to fear God.

DON'T DO THESE FIVE THINGS :

1. Employ guilt or sarcasm in order to elicit obedience.  Guilt doesn't work because children are immune to it (maybe they give them a shot at the hospital or something) and sarcasm doesn't work because children don't understand it.

2. Set unreasonable expectations.  For example, if your child is only 3, don't say, "Go clean your room."  Instead, go with him in his room, and say, "Put all of your dirty clothes in this basket.  Pick up these papers and put them in this folder.  Put all of your legos in this bucket."  It's more work, but the room will get clean, by your child, not by you at a later date when you just can't take it anymore.

3.  Count.  Please don't count.  Instructions should be given with the expectation they will be obeyed.  Your child doesn't need a "consideration" period.  This is what your child hears when you count:
1 -  Your disobedience is acceptable to me.
2 -  I'm  irritated, but your disobedience is still acceptable to me.
2 and 1/2 - Now I'm very angry, but your disobedience is still acceptable to me.
3 - Now your disobedience is UNACCEPTABLE.

4.  Make excuses for your child's disobedience because someday, even to you, the excuses will wear thin.

5. Pontificate.  Don't give your children, especially young ones, long pontifications about the reasons behind your rules.  You are only inviting an argument. 

Now go give your kids a hug and resolve to make obedience their only logical choice!

Stuart Smalley Revisited

This blog is one that I have previously written, but was posted on a my own website that I am no longer using.  My apologies if you have already read this one.  For those of you who haven't......

Do you remember the Stuart Smalley character on Saturday Night Live a number of years ago?  He was a motivational speaker/self help guru that ended his words of wisdom each week with a look in a mirror and the mantra:  I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!  Well Mr. Smalley, I have my own mommy mantra, and it goes a little something like this: I’m good enough for my child, I’m smart enough for my child, and gosh darn it, my child doesn’t always have to like me! 

1.  I’m good enough for my child.  I truly believe mothers, especially those raising young children, should here this every hour of every day.  Those precious little ones you are trying so hard to raise in the “fear and admonition of the Lord” were given to you by the Lord himself.  You are the best parent for your child, not your neighbor, your best friend, or your well meaning relative that seems to have child rearing all figured out.  As a child of God yourself, you have the big picture in mind.  The love you have for your child encompasses more wisdom, knowledge, and godliness, than the love your child has for you, at least now.  You have the Bible as the guide that steers you in your course.  The only guide your child has most often is his own happiness.   So take heart in the fact that your child is in good hands; yours!

2.  I’m smart enough for my child.  Did you know that 99% of the time, you will make better choices than your child?  While our children are equal in worth, they are not equal in the “wisdom” department.  This may be fairly obvious, but when tensions are high, or the tantrums are many and we let our emotions take over, there is a tendency to forget just how foolish children are.  I’m not trying to denigrate your children; I’m simply presenting a realistic picture of them.  One of the great tasks you face as a mother is to bring your child from the known, to the unknown.  What are those concepts your child knows?  He knows instant gratification.  He knows self.  He knows “what’s in it for me?”  In contrast, what are those concepts that your child does not know?  Self-sacrifice, empathy, serving others, and delayed gratification just to name a few.   Don’t negotiate with your child in order to bring about compliance.  He doesn’t bring anything good to the negotiating table.  Evaluate your policies, and make changes as you see fit.  Just be careful that you do not let your child, through clever arguments or horrendous tantrums, alter your expectations.  You set the bar, not your child.

3.  Gosh darn it, my child doesn’t always have to like me!  If you heed my advice above, your child will sometimes not like you.  That is OK.  If fact, children who live in the land of overindulgence are at great risk to fail as adults.  No matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly keep your child happy 24/7.  First of all, children have some pretty lofty and complicated ideas about what makes them happy.  Second, sometimes, through no fault of their own, no is just the best answer.  The sooner they understand this very important reality of life, the better off they are going to be.  Avoid the habit of trying to “soften the blow” of no too often.  Don’t feel like if he can’t have the $50 box of  Legos you need to give him a consolation prize.  Of course every now and then or even sometimes it’s fine to say no, and then offer something else.  However, if your child expects to be offered a “plan B” every time he cannot have want he wants, you have set a dangerous precedent.  Don’t forget, the older children get, the more expensive his desires become!   Don’t take it personally when your child wails and laments his “unfair” treatment or hurls baseless accusations your way.  Take this behavior for what it really is; pure rebellion and unwillingness to submit to your authority.  Put an end to the nonsense by handing out a severe and memorable consequence, instead of compromising or placating.  The wailing and accusations will be sure to return if that is your course of action.

If you have been reading my blogs, and are concerned for my own children (because my advice seems strict or harsh), I can assure you, your fears are totally unwarranted.  I let my children out of the closet most days, and on rare occasions let them intermingle with other mortals.  My children would sing my praises until the cows come home, if I would let them speak.

An Educational Philosophy

Over the years, I have heard so many stories about public schools.  I have heard anecdote after anecdote from various friends, or friends of friends concerning their experiences with the public school system.   I have 12 years of my own public/private school experience in which to reflect as well.  Every story I hear or memory I recall makes me so thankful I can homeschool my own children.  I've not heard a story yet that makes me wonder if my kids are missing out by being home with me.  I think this is remarkable.  Over the last 6 years, I've not heard one account in which private or public education comes out a winner.  I know there are good teachers, and I know there are good schools.  However those teachers are good in spite of the public education system, not because of it, and those schools are the exception, rather than the rule.  I can say this despite only having first hand knowledge of one or two public schools.  I don't need to know each particular school in depth, because it is the educational philosophy behind public education that is the problem, not the individual schools themselves.  My public school diatribe cannot end without an educational philosophy of my own.  So, here it is:

I teach my children to obey, for without obedience they will grow up fools.

I teach my children about the cross of Christ, for without the cross they are lost.

I teach my children about the grace of God, for without grace their guilty consciences have no hope.

I teach my children the 3 Rs, for without them they will grow up ignoramuses.

I teach my children discernment, for without discernment turmoil will follow them.

I teach my children to be kind to others, for a life lived without kindness is a life of death.

I allow my children to pursue what interests them; standing in their way would be unthinkable.