Do frozen treats come with hidden fees at your house? Sometimes we as mothers like to give our kids the extras. An extra bag of popcorn offered here, another 10 minutes at the park granted there...and sometimes we just go completely nuts and make an entire day of special fun for our kids. I think this is a good thing. We all could use a little pampering, and our young ones are no exception. However, all of those extras you offer should not, and do not entitle you to better behavior on the part of your children. Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what I’m talking about. You spend a day taking your children to every delightful place they love, giving them every indulgence they ask for, that ought to be good for a least a few “yes, moms” instead of more “no ways!”, right? Not so fast. First of all, it’s a little sneaky to load them up with goodies and take them on adventures without at least explaining there are added expectations on their part. You may not think you are being sneaky or unreasonable as you pile on the extra favors, but the minute you feel even slightly resentful at the first sign of disobedience you need to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Ask yourself, if I hadn’t just taken Johnny swimming, and then to Braums for ice cream, would I be as angry at him for the whack he just took at his sister? Secondly, for heaven’s sake, if you are going to be a smooth operator and get good behavior in exchange for these fun-fests, at least get the good behavior out of your children FIRST. We are talking about little kids here. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, your children need to obey you because they know very bad things will happen to them if they don’t. They should obey you because they have a healthy respect for you and because you have consistently shown them that you follow through with consequences (more on that in the next blog) when they don’t obey. Years ago I heard a very frustrated mother in Barnes and Noble tell her kids, “I’ve taken you to place X and we’ve seen marvel Y, and now we are here getting books and you won’t behave!” I wonder if her kids knew that the morning’s events were going to come back and bite them. Guilt trips seldom work on young children; believe me, I’ve tried.
I understand the point you're making, and it's a valid one. But I'm wondering if its always in play.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel that my children's bad behavior is directly related to the special things they have been given. Example: we find that any day starting with television (instead of saving that for the afternoon) typically is filled with fighting and whining, once the tv's turned off. Whereas, if we had NOT turned it on at all, they would be playing together happily (as normal). Another example is taking them to special "out to eat" lunches. And I don't mean every day, I mean maybe once a week. But after just a short time, I start getting requests to go out to eat, and then fussing when I tell them we can't today. They act like they are owed special treatment.
So where do you draw the line? If my kids are acting up and I think its because they are taking their blessings forgranted, I'm going to say something about it.
Yes it sounds like maybe your kids have a little bit of an "entitlement" mentality at times. I too would say to my children something along the lines of, "I do not have to give you X, or let you do such and such. If you are whining, then we will not be able to do X or such and such at all." However, my point is more about our emotional state when our kids are ungrateful. We shouldn't take it personally. (I know it's hard.) When the whining begins because Mickey D's is a no go, then make a mental note: Hmmm, no Mickey D's for a while, instead of My kids don't appreciate me, and why won't they be more grateful, I'm going to go on and on to them for hours about how they should behave more because I do this and that for them, etc. etc.
ReplyDeleteThat's kinda how I see it. Thanks for the comment!