Do you remember the Stuart Smalley character on Saturday Night Live a number of years ago? He was a motivational speaker/self help guru that ended his words of wisdom each week with a look in a mirror and the mantra: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me! Well Mr. Smalley, I have my own mommy mantra, and it goes a little something like this: I’m good enough for my child, I’m smart enough for my child, and gosh darn it, my child doesn’t always have to like me!
1. I’m good enough for my child. I truly believe mothers, especially those raising young children, should here this every hour of every day. Those precious little ones you are trying so hard to raise in the “fear and admonition of the Lord” were given to you by the Lord himself. You are the best parent for your child, not your neighbor, your best friend, or your well meaning relative that seems to have child rearing all figured out. As a child of God yourself, you have the big picture in mind. The love you have for your child encompasses more wisdom, knowledge, and godliness, than the love your child has for you, at least now. You have the Bible as the guide that steers you in your course. The only guide your child has most often is his own happiness. So take heart in the fact that your child is in good hands; yours!
2. I’m smart enough for my child. Did you know that 99% of the time, you will make better choices than your child? While our children are equal in worth, they are not equal in the “wisdom” department. This may be fairly obvious, but when tensions are high, or the tantrums are many and we let our emotions take over, there is a tendency to forget just how foolish children are. I’m not trying to denigrate your children; I’m simply presenting a realistic picture of them. One of the great tasks you face as a mother is to bring your child from the known, to the unknown. What are those concepts your child knows? He knows instant gratification. He knows self. He knows “what’s in it for me?” In contrast, what are those concepts that your child does not know? Self-sacrifice, empathy, serving others, and delayed gratification just to name a few. Don’t negotiate with your child in order to bring about compliance. He doesn’t bring anything good to the negotiating table. Evaluate your policies, and make changes as you see fit. Just be careful that you do not let your child, through clever arguments or horrendous tantrums, alter your expectations. You set the bar, not your child.
3. Gosh darn it, my child doesn’t always have to like me! If you heed my advice above, your child will sometimes not like you. That is OK. If fact, children who live in the land of overindulgence are at great risk to fail as adults. No matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly keep your child happy 24/7. First of all, children have some pretty lofty and complicated ideas about what makes them happy. Second, sometimes, through no fault of their own, no is just the best answer. The sooner they understand this very important reality of life, the better off they are going to be. Avoid the habit of trying to “soften the blow” of no too often. Don’t feel like if he can’t have the $50 box of Legos you need to give him a consolation prize. Of course every now and then or even sometimes it’s fine to say no, and then offer something else. However, if your child expects to be offered a “plan B” every time he cannot have want he wants, you have set a dangerous precedent. Don’t forget, the older children get, the more expensive his desires become! Don’t take it personally when your child wails and laments his “unfair” treatment or hurls baseless accusations your way. Take this behavior for what it really is; pure rebellion and unwillingness to submit to your authority. Put an end to the nonsense by handing out a severe and memorable consequence, instead of compromising or placating. The wailing and accusations will be sure to return if that is your course of action.
If you have been reading my blogs, and are concerned for my own children (because my advice seems strict or harsh), I can assure you, your fears are totally unwarranted. I let my children out of the closet most days, and on rare occasions let them intermingle with other mortals. My children would sing my praises until the cows come home, if I would let them speak.
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